Lesson 13: Creating Desire

(0:02 - 2:12)

Creating desire. Something completely different than everything else we've talked about. Most of the stuff we've talked about has been very cerebral focused.

In your head, some in your heart. But desire plays by completely different rules. You can't logic your way to it.

It's something deeper, something raw, something more visceral. And you can't define where or how you're going to find it. It just hits you, and there's a resonant frequency that just takes over as something more universal.

And so when a lot of these folks out here are talking about building, crafting desire or attraction, a lot of them talk about transformations and before and after. And hey, if I insert my thing in between, then you're going to get the other thing, right? Like buy a pair of Jordans. Now I become Michael Jordan.

I can jump higher, run faster, belief system. And that creates some kind of desire. And then you put them on and you realize you're not Michael Jordan.

And you didn't automatically transform yourself into being an NBA basketball player in the Hall of Fame and one of the greatest of all time. So in that way, it's a bit of a lie. So desire, though, in my mind, is really if in a phrase, it would be like potential energy.

It's this gap space. It's this moment of what if of mystery of unresolved connection of two things fighting maybe more to come together. And they're just not quite doing it in that creates an intense amount of desire.

(2:13 - 4:13)

And there already has to be some kind of similar wavelength. But a lot of times, it's a bit like, like a puzzle piece, such that you may not even be able to design for. And the only way that you get there is by zooming in to like the craziest, most authentic, weirdest, differentiated thing that makes you you and unique, the thing that you're really scared to show the rest of the world.

And I remember there was this old study, there's like one of these dating apps. And they did a study, it was like classically beautiful people silhouettes that everyone would say, Oh, yeah, like that person is a eight, nine, 10 out of 10. And everyone would agree that they're beautiful.

And then there was another set. So they did this back to hypothesis testing, they did this test, there was another set, which was like, somebody had this unique feature in their photo. One of those is like a large gap in their front teeth.

Now, classically, people would say, that's not beautiful. You saw something like this, like show up in Vogue and the runways and stuff a few years back. And what they found from the research was that, yeah, there was a lot of people that like really were, I guess, attracted to the classic beauty thing.

But it was vapid and short lived. And there was less engagement, wouldn't you know it. But the other one, which highlighted this extreme difference, it did something really interesting.

It's separated people into two groups. And it was I really love it, or I really hate it. Like I can't get enough of it, or like God make it stop.

(4:13 - 7:43)

And so it created this polarity. But that polarity had strong emotion, rather than just this like, vanilla, you know, peanut butter spread across the top. And so the people that really loved it, like absolutely loved it.

And there was like, really strong desire and attraction for that. So it's interesting, interesting to think about because that that delves into a principle, which is like, the worst thing that can happen is everyone just ignores you because you're a carbon copy stamp printed copy of everything else we've seen. And that has zero excitement, zero desire.

So this goes all the way back to the beginning and core values, like getting to the place that you're uniquely you, not just on like a look feel perspective, but like, deeper. And people really resonate with that. There's a old Lil Wayne documentary from, gosh, maybe 2010, something like this.

And he had this interesting thing he got, I don't recommend this for everybody, but he got a tattoo of a lightning bolt, like right in between his eyes on his forehead. And I remember this scene, he was like, yo, and he was really excited about it. And he told this story about he would and he's an artist, he creates, he's a proliferate creator, like continuously all day, every day, millions of songs, right? So take that and apply it to any other sort of craft or industry.

That's pretty remarkable. And he had this interesting phrase with the person who was interviewing, he was like, yeah, I'd walk into an elevator and simultaneously attract and repel the right people. There it is.

So this negative space, this tension between these like, polarity and the way you you drive that is you got to zoom into that thing that's like, that's like you and unique and different, like, show us your quote unquote, gap in your tooth, like whatever it is, whatever your thing is. And just highlight it. And yeah, some people, some people get upset about it, but they're not on your wave.

So like, does it matter? There's 8 billion people on this planet. There's a community for everybody. Yeah, so that is, that is creating desire, as best as we understand it these days.

And a lot of it is you just can't, you got to get out of your noggin. You just can't talk about this stuff. It just is.

So you just kind of have to be and flow with it and go out in the world and see what attracts you and what doesn't and like really inspect that and think about it and say, like, is that society or is that me? And unpack those and separate those two things and find the thing where it's actually you, not just what society, social celebrity culture has said that, no, you're supposed to do this, like you're supposed to be attracted to this, because that it's like, maybe a sugar high, but it's empty. But the other one, it's like really strong. Just think back to like, what was the strongest attraction I've ever had in my life to something, person, product, service, brand, animal, like nature, just like blew your hair back, dig into that, something to be learned in there.

(7:44 - 7:54)

Then you don't have to chase it, but you open yourself to finding more of that. All right, that's it. Get some desire going.